181. When Leaders Can’t Turn Off: Breaking the Cycle of Constant Doing

 Are you a leader who wants to rest—but finds yourself reaching for one more task instead? 

In this episode, we explore why high-achieving, compassionate leaders struggle to truly unplug, even when they think they’re resting. You’ll learn the neuroscience behind this pattern—and how to shift from constant doing to genuine restoration. 

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Transcript

Teri Schmidt: 0:00

Let me ask you something. Have you ever set aside time to rest? Only to realize halfway through that you actually weren't resting at all. Maybe you were scrolling, refreshing, tidying, or checking the news, and even though it looked like downtime, your mind was anything but calm. If that sounds familiar, you're not alone, and this episode is for you. I'm Terry Schmidt, your host and leadership coach here at Strong Leaders Serve, where I partner with compassionate driven Leaders to transform potential into performance and today I wanna share a short story. Some neuroscience backed insight and a few practical ways to restore your energy in a world that constantly pushes us to do more. So let's dive in. So. A day a few weeks ago, I told myself I was gonna relax and a big news story had just broken. One of those rare ones that signaled like it might spark some shared concern across political lines. I was curious, maybe even a little hopeful, so I opened up the news, scrolled through social media, read all the takes, you know how that goes. But about halfway through, I realized. Wait, this isn't rest. I had chosen something that looked like downtime because technically it wasn't work, but my nervous system didn't know the difference. I wasn't relaxing. I was searching for clarity, consensus, maybe even for control, and it wasn't working. That moment stuck with me because I see leaders, myself included, do the same thing in a different form all the time. We think we're making a productive, intentional choice to push a little harder. We tell ourselves just one more email, one more meeting, one more person to check in on, and on the surface it looks virtuous. It even feels productive. But what's really going on beneath that surface? More often than not, we're choosing productivity for its own sake. We're reaching for something that feels like safety or control or maybe a sense of worth in a world that feels increasingly chaotic. So let's pause there because neuroscience actually gives us a really helpful lens to understand what's going on. Our brains have two major networks that we've talked about before. They shape how we pay attention and process the world. First. There's the Task Positive network or TPN. That's the part of the brain that lights up when we're focused, solving problems, getting stuff done. It's what most of us rely on at work every single day. This is your on task brain. Then there's the default mode network or DMN. This kicks in when we're not actively doing something, when we reflect, when we daydream, when we make meaning out of our experiences or imagine the future. This is the network we innovation, long-term visioning, empathy, and deep insight live. Have you ever had one of your best ideas when you were in the shower? That's probably because your default mode network was activated. Here's the important part. These two systems are kind of like a seesaw. When one is active, the other is mostly quiet. The TPN gets results. It's energizing. But if we stay there too long, especially under stress, we burn out. We get rigid. We lose the creativity and insight we actually need to lead Well. So now you might be asking, how do you intentionally shift between these two networks when you need to? So let's say you're stuck in the TPN, you're over-focused, overworking a little rigid, and you need the reflection, creativity, or empathy that comes from the DMN. Well beyond jumping in the shower, here are a few things you can try. First, loosen the structure. Stop trying to optimize your break. Stop trying to do the latest restoration activity just because someone suggested it. Second, choose unstructured time walking, sketching, staring at the ceiling, and give yourself permission to think about nothing in particular or ask yourself a curious question, and then don't try to answer it right away. Just let it simmer. Now, believe me, I know this is hard. I know, especially during the workday, even if you're taking a little micro break to do these things, it's hard to convince yourself that it's a good use of time. But if you find the rest that actually works for you and gets you into that default mode, network, your creativity. Your ability to be resilient in the face of chaos. All of that improves, and that's what you need to survive in these chaotic times as a leader. Now, on the other hand, maybe you're feeling a little unfocused or adrift. You've been in the DMN too long and you need to shift back to getting things done. Now, I know for many of you, this probably doesn't happen that often, but if it does. Here are a few things you can try. Choose one clear, achievable task. Maybe you can set a short timer, maybe 15 to 25 minutes and go into focus mode. You can also reduce distractions and give yourself a physical cue, like closing all your tabs or standing up. And finally reflect for a moment on why the task matters. And then just do the first step. It's not about forcing anything in either direction. It's about giving your brain what it needs in the moment, and that starts with noticing what mode you're in. Here's where it gets tricky. For many high achieving leaders, we often try to force rest. You might have heard again about the latest, greatest way to relax and you schedule that into your day because everyone else said that it would work. But when we're doing these activities just to do them, we bring that box checking mindset with us, and so we stay in the doing mode. The rest actually becomes another task. It's just dressed up a little bit differently. You're still in the TPN. Now true restoration doesn't always look like rest from the outside. It might happen in quiet moments, driving, drawing, cooking, or even laughing with a friend. But what matters is the why and the how, not the what. So I'm not saying we all need to disappear into a silent retreat, but I am inviting you to ask one powerful question the next time you're about to reach for your phone or your to-do list. Or even your meditation app, what am I really seeking right now? And will this choice move me toward what I need or just keep me busy? Because in times of uncertainty, the difference between true rest and just another form of doing matters more than ever.

8:07

What restores us isn't always what looks like rest. It's what gives our minds enough space to shift out of doing and back into being.

Teri Schmidt: 8:17

Thanks for spending time with me today. If this sparked a new insight, I'd love for you to share this episode or even send it to a colleague who might be feeling stuck in due mode without even realizing it. And if you're looking for more ways to reconnect with clarity, creativity, and calm, in the middle of leadership, chaos, connect with me on LinkedIn. Until next time, take care and give your mind the space it deserves.