178. Embracing Authority as a Compassionate, Driven Leader?

If we're not in leadership for the title, how do we effectively face the challenges that come with transitioning into and through different levels of positional authority?

In this episode, we talk through the main challenges faced by compassionate, driven leaders in these situations and provide practical ideas for addressing them.

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Transcript

Teri Schmidt: 0:00

Welcome back to Strong Leaders Serve. I'm Terry Schmidt, your host and executive and leadership coach at Strong Leaders Serve, where we work with compassionate driven leaders to transform potential into performance. And one of the most overlooked challenges, particularly for compassionate driven leaders, are those times where we shift into positional authority. This may happen the first time you get into a formal leadership role, or it may happen when your responsibilities shift a bit and you have to rely a little bit more on positional authority than maybe influence like you're used to and more comfortable with If you've ever felt like stepping into a formal leadership role or a new dimension of your leadership role made you second guess, your instincts struggle with delegation or suddenly feel more alone than this episodes for you. So let's get into it. Okay, so today we're gonna talk about four challenges that come along with these kind of shifts in your positional authority. The first one is about the word and the concept of power itself. The second one has to do with belonging and how it can get complicated through these shifts. The third one is about one of our favorites, one that we talk about frequently on this podcast delegation, and the fourth one is about discomfort around people, valuing your voice over all the other voices in the room. So let's start with that first one. When we hear the word power, it often doesn't sit right, especially for those of us who got into leadership to make a difference not to be in charge. I. In the Power Code caddy. Kay and Claire Shipman talk about how many women in particular, and actually I'll add many values driven leaders in general, define power differently. It's not about domination or control, it's about the ability to make a positive impact. Now that sounds great in theory and it really is a great book. I highly recommend you getting it, but let's talk about in practice. I. Stepping into authority often means being perceived as the final decision maker, and that can make you hesitant to claim your voice or role fully because you don't wanna seem domineering or self-important. But I've found with myself and with my clients, one small mindset shift that has really helped is instead of seeing power as something you take from others. See it as something you use for others. When you offer direction or set a boundary, you're not grabbing the spotlight, you're clearing a path. You're bringing clarity to other people's work and like we've talked about in recent weeks, you're advocating for their success. That shift from I'm not taking up space to I'm making space can be powerful in itself. Now the second factor that we talked about is belonging. Now, this is one of the most common pain points when you've been promoted from within a team. Your relationships change and it's not just awkward, it's actually biologically uncomfortable because our brains are wired to seek belonging. Research shows that when we are excluded socially, the same parts of our brains activate as when we're in physical pain. So when we go from peer to boss, that shift can feel like a threat, not just to others, but to our own nervous systems. You might hesitate to enforce a policy or give feedback because you're worried about damaging the relationship. One client of mine described it as leading with one foot on the brake, and you know that's not good practice when you're driving. It's not good practice when you're leading either, but what helps is naming it. You can literally say to your team, I know my role has changed, and that can feel different. But my respect for you hasn't, and I'm committed to being clear and fair, even if it takes some time. Getting used to often, my clients have found that it's really helpful to have one-on-one meetings with each of your former peers who are now reporting directly to you. You can talk through and lay out on the table the awkwardness that might ensue, and you can also bring up potential future situations and each talk about how you might handle them now that you're in your new roles. That can be incredibly helpful down the road when those situations actually do arise. You don't have to pretend that the shift isn't there. In fact, I would say that is the worst strategy. Instead, acknowledging it out loud can actually rebuild a sense of trust much faster than avoiding it ever will. Now, the third factor that makes this identity shift into positional authority so challenging is that it requires you to hone your skills of delegation. And as we've talked about before, it is not all about figuring out what your zone of genius is and then making a list of everything that other people should be doing instead of you, because it's not in your zone of genius. Of course, that is very helpful, but it is not enough because delegation doesn't just challenge your time, it challenges your identity. and as we've talked about before, delegation involves loss. If you're used to being the one who solves the problem, checks the box, or saves the day, handing off tasks can feel uncomfortable. Even unmotivating, there's a brain-based reason for that. Finishing a task actually gives you a little hit of dopamine. When you delegate, your brain doesn't get that same rush. At least not right away. A quick tip, I offer leaders in this boat create a delegation dashboard. Pick one project you've delegated and track the moments. When your team member succeeds an idea they had a deadline, they hit a lesson they learned. Let their wins become your reward system that helps rewire your brain to associate satisfaction with growth. Not just with completion. And if you're worried about micromanaging, have a conversation at the beginning of the project with your team member. And ask them explicitly, what does support look like for you on this right away? That will shift the conversation from control to partnership. And finally, the fourth challenge that can make this shift into positional authority, particularly difficult, has to do with the fact that. All of a sudden your voice may seem to matter more than others in the room, you're likely gonna be a little bit alarmed when people suddenly defer to you. You share an idea and the room quiets, or you say just a thought, and the next thing you know, it seems like it was a directive. This can make you cautious, almost too cautious. You might soften your opinions, overuse, qualifiers, or second guess your authority. The way through isn't to swing the other way and declare every decision with finality. Instead, try being explicit about how decisions are being made and who the decision maker will be, for example. You might say, I wanna hear everyone's thoughts before we land on anything, and then we'll make a decision by consensus. Or if it's not a situation where you're making decision by consensus, and you're gonna be making that decision state upfront, what you are gonna be doing with that input that you get from everyone else, how you'll be considering it and how you will use it to make that decision. Another statement that you can use is, I'm leaning toward this direction, but I'm open to hearing what I'm missing. That communicates to people that you're seeking their input to help you realize what some of your blind spots are, but that you do have an opinion going into the situation with either of those statements, you're still leading. But you're doing it with clarity and intention, and you're doing it in a way that everyone knows exactly what their role is in that particular decision. So they don't feel like they're just offering input for no purpose, because you're ultimately gonna make the decision and do what you wanna do anyway. Now. These aren't the only challenges that are gonna face you as you step into or transform the way that you are leading from a place of positional authority. but they're the biggest ones. And if there's anything I want you to take away from this. It's what I work with my clients on frequently. And what we also talk about on this podcast frequently, and that is stepping into leadership doesn't mean you have to become someone else. Stepping into a higher level of leadership does not mean you have to be become somebody else, but it does require a shift, a rebalancing of how you connect, how you contribute, and how you communicate. So as you go forward in your week this week. I challenge you. Think about what's one moment when you notice discomfort in your leadership role? Maybe it wasn't giving feedback, speaking up, or letting go write that down and think about what is underneath that discomfort. Is it because your belonging is being threatened? Or because you are having to express power in a way that isn't comfortable for you and you haven't yet done that mindset shift of instead of power over having power two, or maybe it's the fact that you just really want to do that task. And you know, you could do that task a lot faster and even better than the person you're giving it to, whatever the cause of that discomfort is. The next step is to think what might shift if you saw that discomfort as part of your growth and not a sign that you're doing it wrong. You are not alone in this. Every leader I work with, especially the compassionate driven ones, hit these same roadblocks and every one of them can move through it with clarity and support. In case you wanna dig deeper into this, some related episodes you might enjoy are episode one 12 titled From Peer to Leader, navigating the Transition. In episode 1 53, are you a dino, a delegator in name only. And remember, I'm here for you. If there's anything I can do to support you as you go through these transitions in your leadership, please reach out on LinkedIn. I would love to hear from you. Thank you for listening, and I hope you have a wonderful week where you realize how valuable you are to your team, to your organization, to our communities. And to our world in your role as a compassionate driven leader.